Well, as my first blog post I guess I'll start with a little of an embarrassing series of episodes that have plagued me throughout my last two years. Spontaneously fainting.
The very first time I had come close to fainting was during an ACT, (for those of you who don't know what an ACT is it's a ridiculously long test that high schoolers from age 14 to 16 dread each year they are in school. It sucks the soul right out of you. It is much like its cousin the SAT, used to get into college, but on a rare occasion.)
I sat at the grey table staring down at what I thought was a blurry stretch of rhinoceros skin. I wasn't quite sure what was going on, but I knew I felt like I was going to vomit and that the room was 8 billion degrees.
I sat there with clammy hands and face wondering if that morning jog before the test had some how messed with my ability to sit straight. Curse my friend Sarah, the big athlete she is, to urge me to get a lot of fresh air in the morning so I could do so well on the test! I did so much worse on this test because all I could focus on was inevitable death that was surely happening. I laid my head down and soon felt better. Must have been the jog.
About a couple months after this little incident it happened again.
My poor dog Abbey had a wound on her back, which had been there for a long time actually, and my mom finally got the clue to take her to the vet. She laid there on the cold, metal table wagging her tail like the idiot she was. The wound was absolutely disgusting, now this might get a little graphic, but there was literally maggots in there. If you would like to go vomit right now, I'll wait for you to return.
After seeing such a horrific scene I slid down the wall trying to fill my head with unicorns and cupcakes. I felt like the world's thermostat had been turned to "Burn, Burn, BURN!!!!!" The vomit feeling had come back and my hearing had become fuzzy like an AM radio station.
My mom stared at me and claimed I looked like a ghost, at that point she took out her cell phone and took a picture of me. I just sat there in disbelief that my mom took a picture of her dying daughter instead of actually helping her. Thanks.
But then everything went black, I tried to call out "mom" but I couldn't tell just how loud I was, I ended up screaming it. I heard her faintly say, "Laura, what?!" I tried to figure out how to say it without screaming it, I ended up whispering, "I've gone blind."
She lead me out of the vet's office and I sat in the car. Soon enough my vision and hearing came back. It was definitely the sight of the maggots that made me faint.
A few more months later it happened again. Probably my most favorite time ever. I was over at my dad's house for the weekend, my parents are divorced and I visit my dad's house every other weekend, it was early morning and I was getting ready to take a shower.
I stepped into the steamy shower and just stood there, I had felt like throwing up earlier that morning. I stood in the hot water and just stared at the tiled wall. It was like my eyes had refused to move, if they moved they would've jumped out of my sockets.
My stomach started to feel worse, so I sat down and let the water hit me. Nope. Still hurt. I stood back up and felt extremely woozy. I was sure it was because I had gotten up quickly, that stuff happens to me all the time. And then my hearing went, but I hadn't realized it since water was filling my ears. Then my vision. I was in shock, how was this happening in a shower?
This is the part I barely remember, all I can remember is hitting my head on something cold and not feeling any pain. I hit my head 3 times on the shower wall until I lay crumpled in the bath tub. I was surprised no one heard that. I pulled my self out of the tub half conscious, still blind, and butt naked. I sat on my floor for an hour trying to calm myself down.
I stepped out of the bathroom and found that NO ONE had realized I had almost died. Again. I still have no idea what set off that episode, so I googled it. It claimed steamy water will trigger it if you had just woken up.
Well solves that problem.
The most recent time was a couple days ago at my college work. I work at a dining hall, it's pretty awful. People just don't appreciate the work. But you know what, we handle your food. You best be careful.
Anyways I was standing under these ridiculously hot lights, over a million degree skillet with eggs and various hams, and I began to feel sick.
I knew exactly what was going to happen, so I tried my best to finish some girl's breakfast burrito, but I just couldn't.
My hearing was going and I was minutes away from collapsing onto the floor. I ran to my 'boss' and told her I was going to faint if I didn't sit down. So I ran to the nearest seat and laid my head down.
The student managers found me and luckily sent me home, and then I sat in my bed and surfed the internet all night! Best. Fainting. Ever.
So, there we go. All the times I have fainted. I'm sure there are going to many other times in my future.
Joy.
